The Aisle of Uncertainty

My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? Psalms 6:3 NIV

"I'll never forget one visit to the drugstore when I first identified the irony found on a familiar aisle. To my left I saw rows of feminine hygiene products, and to my left, pregnancy test. I was outraged, yet I laughed.i wanted to talk to the store manager about product placement and marketing sensitivity, but I didn't. Instead, I stood in limbo, in the middle of two product extremes, for me representing life or death, pregnant or not, yes or no, hope or dread. Did the center of the aisle represent maybe? Maybe? Is it possible to live in limbo-in the same aisle, but between two completely different outcomes?"- Kathe Wunnenberg, Longing for a Child

Some women would never guess that there are others out there who dread going to get pads or tampons because it means that yet another month ( or in my case 103 days) has gone by and they are not there to get a stick that has a + on it that would make them happy beyond imagination.

I usually make Levi go and get things if I need them. I have gotten teary eyed (ok maybe sobbing is a better word) a few too many times in that aisle.

But what really sucks for me is the fact that I have such long cycles, and I test every 34 days "just to make sure" I don't want to do anything to put my baby in harms way. I can't even count on my hands how many negatives I have gotten now.

Sometimes I wonder what God is trying to teach me , what lesson haven't I learned yet, what are his plans for me, for us?

In the first weeks of October Levi and I will be going in for our follow up with the specialist. I am praying she will be able to give us hope, and let us know what our plan of action should be. With us more than likely moving in the begging part of next year, I know I won't be able to have this new doc for a whole pregnancy if I were to get pregnant and that makes me sad and apprehensive. It means I will have to start all over again with a new person who may not be as willing to listen to me like she is.

REALLY!

Can someone please explain to me how I can go from a 103 day cycle to a 15 day cycle!?! I do not understand my body.

First week of Sep

The last week has been long, but fun! When ever I am on my period I never feel like doing anything, but this last week, I promised a friend that I would drive her child to school until  his bus is set up. He is deaf and his school is about 35-45 minutes away depending on traffic. I have had a fun time finding music with deep bass to play while driving him, he puts his hand on the speaker and seems to enjoy in. 

At first I was bummed that I had to be up while the clock said 6, but I have found out that I get a better nights sleep. The day seems much longer, but I get more done. 

I, however, did not get as many work outs in as I wanted, but I still lost a pound.

On Thursday, I did a gender reveal photoshoot that was a blast! 

http://www.facebook.com/BeautyBeingPhotography

On Friday, I had my HSG. My tubes are all clear and my uterus is slightly slanted but almost all women have some type of slant. We have to go in an talk about all the test results and what not to see what our next step is.

Then there was Saturday. We had our first soccer game of the season and our kids won! These kids were on fire! 

And on Sunday we woke up and I needed to put a light sweater on to take Titus out. I was soooo excited and I'm praying that we will not go back to the 90's for the rest of this year! 

I hope everyone has an amazing week!!!

Finally!

After 103 days, aunt flow has come for a visit, and she does not seem happy to be here. I have been down for the count for most of today, which makes it hard for me to keep to my work out plan.

Along with that good news, I also lost 4 pounds last week and my partner lost 9, which means we lost 2.78% of our total weight. 

and this is what I look like when aunty is kicking my butt