On to next year

Did you know that there is 300+ mentions of infertility in the bible. Some of the stories are better known, like Elizabeth, Hannah, and Samson’s mother. Other's are not, like the women at the well. 

Most of the women never become mothers, but lots of them do.

You may ask why I start this post with that and the reason is that I have been doing ALOT of bible reading lately. 

I have been trying to take comfort in the fact that women back before Jesus, were in my position. I long to have the faith that they did. But I also  find it disheartening that all this time later, and women still cannot conceive. 

Even with all of our medical advancements, still 9.7% of all infertility cases are classified as "unknown cause". 

So here I am, Cycle Day 1, some of you call it Tuesday. It has been 87 days since the start of my last period. I took two rounds of clomid this last cycle, once on days 5-9 and then again on days 60-64. 
Now I'm assuming that the people who are reading this have no clue what is wrong with that statement. So I will explain, most docs recommend clomid for 4 days at the beginning of the cycle, if you don't have a period by day 32 you take a test at home, if its positive yay, if it not, typically they give you a blood test to double make sure and then a drug to force your period. 
Not my doctor, no, I met her, talked for about 5 minutes, then was sent on my way. No tests, no "how long have you been trying", no " Oh you have PCOS lets try and see if your insulin resistance or thyroid could be part of your problem." (These are in fact so common in PCOS women that I was somewhat shocked at the statistics of women who fall pregnant just by fixing one or both of those problems.) Nope I got a call back saying since you are on cycle day 40 something (her actual words) just take another round. Not "why don't you go in for a blood test and then an ultrasound to see what might be the reason you didn't respond."

Now, after doing lots of research I am sad to say that I only have 2 or 3 cycles left that I can take clomid. What makes me even more sad is that we have learned virtually nothing from these cycles because they went almost completely unmonitored. I only had blood drawn twice, and that was just to test and see what my progesterone levels were. 
I have been lurking on lots of tying to conceive message boards and was so hurt that my doc just threw me into this without really thinking. Since that one time I saw her face to face, I have only talked to her 2 times on the phone. That does not seem right to me. But whenever I called I went straight to a voice box (which was full half the time) and it took me driving 45 minutes and talking to the receptionist to get a call back. 


It is now towards the end of May, this means that Levi will be up for orders and we will be moving who knows where in just under a year. If I do my math right, and if I were to miraculously get preggers sometime in the next 4 months, I  would either have a tiny infant or be ready to pop during move time. I do not find that situation to comforting.
I know some women who have struggled will be shaking their heads at me and be like "I would do it even then". But we going to put it on the back burner. 
We will be taking at least a 6 month break from any active ttc methods. We will not be preventing a pregnancy from happening (i.e no birth control or condoms). 
I will be going to my regular doctor to see if he can get my thyroid checked for me and then I will be talking to  a different OBGYN about Metfomin. I plan on being back down to my wedding weight by the time we are ready to start trying actively again. The next 6 months are in Gods hands, his timing, not ours.