Blessings

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

This song has been popping up everywhere this week. 

Ok God I get it, you have plans. 

Your time not mine, your plans not mine.

Be Still

Have you ever been walking in a forest first thing in the morning while the fog is still lifting from the trails? 

If you haven't it is something that you need to experience at least once in your lifetime.

As I was walking one thing kept coming to mind. 

Be still and know that I am God. 

I will be exalted among the nations,

 I will be exalted in the earth. 

Psalms 46:10

Ok, so I was not just out for a stroll, I happened to be on the job. I had three teen age girls with me and I kept thinking, "How can I be still with three lively young ones?" And then it hit me, I can keep my mind still. My brain has been moving non stop since Monday. I needed to stay focused on the task at hand and not let my thoughts stray from one thing to another. So I did. 

I know that when you read this verse most start to contemplate our Father and what it means to be still in Him. But that was a little much for me today.

Instead I focused all my attention on Kaye, Maddy, and Ally. I did nothing but think of them. I did not think about how much IVF is.  I did not think about how much adoptions can cost. I did not think about how long it could be before I become a mom.

 No, I spent wonderful morning photographing three beautiful young women.

The Follow up.

Today we received devastating news. 

The specialist believes that the only way Levi and I will ever be able to conceive our own biological children is through In Vitro Fertilization.

I have done very little research into IVF but I do know that TriCare dose not cover it and in the United States, a cycle of in vitro fertilization costs approximately $10,000 to $15,000. Yes you read that right, per cycle, not "about how much before you get pregnant".

All of our test results came back within normal ranges. This lead the Dr. to believe that there is something that is keeping the sperm from fertilizing the egg. There is no test to see why this may be.

I really don't know what to think right now. I guess we will just pray for a miracle.