Irony

Realizing your period is due to start on mothers day. Heres to hoping I have my first mothers day in 2014.

Sorry

I know it's been a while and a lot has happened I hope to do a massive update soon. But right now I want to vent. I went to the Docs on Friday because I have a major cold/cough (possible pneumonia) And I also asked if I could have provera to restart my cycle. The Doc said I should just go on birth control. To which I said "but I'm trying to get pregnant." He looked at me and said "you're only 21, why would you want kids?" And then he said he wouldn't do any types of treatments until I had a pregnancy test done. So I did. Today I had to called him to get results (negative) only to find out from the front desk that he got them on Friday and didn't call. I suffered all (Easter) weekend when I could have been taking meds. Also now I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing about my cough. Do I make a new appointment or just go to the ER.


I am soo happy that we will be out of here soon. San Antonio just keeps looking better and better.

The picture is where my body should be at if I did all my calculations according to my last period. Instead I'm on cycle day 113.

Twenty Thirteen

Welcome to the new year. Yes I know I am a day late, but, better than never right? This is my Resolution post. I am hoping that by posting this, the people who read my blog can help me to stay on track with several things. You all have full permission to pester me via Facebook, texting, email,  on here, or in person. 

First things first, my 60 lbs to freedom. Yup, I plan to get rid of (not loose because I never want to find those pounds again) 60 pounds in 6 months, that's 10 lbs a month.

Whose with me?

Before pic. 190 lbs BMI of 31.6

For every 10 I get rid of and keep off for a week I get a treat worth that amount, so when I get to 180 I get something worth $10, 170= $20 160=$30 and so on. None of the rewards have anything to do with food.

Number 2. Read the whole Bible this year. I have never done this before and am really looking forward to it.

Number 3. Levi and I are going Paleo. We are slowly transitioning into this new lifestyle. As of right now we are finishing up things we have in the house, and once they are gone, they are gone. Some of the things that will be missed the most are bread for sandwiches and sugar in our coffee. We think we may still have milk and cheese, just because that is where we get he majority of our calcium. We have been on organic milk for the last year and will be buying organic cheese (when I can find it).

Number 4. No T.V on days that start with T. We do not have cable, but we do have Netflix and we tend to spend a few hours watching shows and movies every night. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the TV will be unplugged. We plan on using this time to do projects together, read books, play games, walk Titus, all in all just to spend more "face time" together. 

Number 5. This new year marks the "official' two year mark for trying to conceive. This year I will not dwell on the fact that I'm not pregnant and I won't fall into depression again and again.I will not be glued to my fertility tracker and I will not make Sex a chore. I will be happy and content and know that I will have kids someday. 

Number 6. Learn my trade better and use my talent for my benefit, and not doubt myself just because someone I know doesn't  use my business.

This one isn't really a resolution but we plan on being more frugal with our money. What with our trip to Disney World in March, moving to San Antonio in July, and wanting to go to Washington  for Christmas 2013, we can't spend money the way we are used to doing.

Here's to an amazing Year 2013. 

Christmas in Gulfport

After a long drive on the 21st, we made it to Gulfport at 3 in the morning, Levi and I met our nephew for the first time. Levi's sister and brother in law just moved back from Japan where Josh was stationed for the last few years.

Truxtin's first birthday

Some of the things we did while we in the south

I made Aunt Tammy's frosting for sugar cookies

And I thought Truxtin would like some on his binkie

Zach licked all the spoons 

Josh kept stealing the cookies before they were frosted 

This little man wants to be held, or is running around like crazy 

Irelynn getting the cookie cutters ready

Me helping Jacen 

Titus wanted to help too 

Reading the kiddos the Nativity story 

Decorating cookies for Santa 

Christmas morning see what Santa left 

Proof I was there 

My Father in Law is deployed right now, but he was able to FaceTime with us the whole morning. 

The big boys got nerf guns 

Levi and I took the two older ones to a park on the beach

Jacen wanted to see the water 

Add caption

 I was able to get some family photos while we there, this is the first time in years all three kids have been in one place.

Levi's sister's family 

Our niece and nephews 

Levi and his sister and brother 

This was one of my favorite shots of the day. Levi's mom and Truxtin 

NiNi and her three grandbabies 

Mom and her kids 

Kayleigh and Truxtin

Levi and I were going to leave in the 27th but I got sick and now we are heading back on the 29th

Denial

This whole "I don't want to start a serious work out program because I don't want to hurt a could be pregnancy" is a load of crap that I need to stop hiding behind. I weigh the same as when I started the biggest loser completion this fall. New year, new habits, new beginnings, new adventures. End mini rant.

Thankful 11-18

#11 For Sarabeth and Luke, our youth group co-leaders, with out them the group may have fallen apart.

#12 For all the men and women who have served, are serving, or will serve to protect the people of the United States of America.

#13 For books, they are my mini get aways when all I can afford is a library card. Ha ha ha.

#14 For seasons, for the first 18 years of my life I lived in states with one maybe two seasons. Now in Virginia I have been blessed to live in them all.

#15 For my grandma Cathy who took the time when I was young to teach me how to things like sew and have a love for all things craft. And that we still talk to each other at least once a week.

#16 for our new phones, I can now rely on Levi's phone to get my texts.

#17 for the National Zoo, a wonderful place the spend the day with two active little boys

# 18 the option to worship our Savior at home in the car at a movie theater or in a sanctuary.

Thankful 9 and 10

I am thankful for my husband who puts up with my crazy whims and spends a friday night shopping with me to make a mini portable photography studio and then spends the next day helping me make it.

wood that we stained 

Levi sanding the chest i got at the goodwill

Chopping down the base board 

An idea of how it looks 

Titus being the first subject 

an idea I am working on for my grandmas challenge 

I love love love Levi.
Of course there are many many many more reasons why I am thankful for my hubby, but those are just two examples for the last two days. 

November Thankful 6-7-8

I am thankful for my camera that my parents bought me my senior year of high school. 

I am thankful for the opportunity to live in places that most people will never live. 

I am thankful that my mother planted and cultivated the seeds for the love of reading and learning that I have. 

Thankful November 5

I am thankful technology. I now live almost 2,700 miles from my parents and brothers, but I still feel like part of the almost everyday happenings due to Facebook and Skype. And just this last weekend, I was able to see my youngest cousin (me being the oldest at 20 and him, grandchild number 15 at the age of 1) walk. I still wish I could see them in person, but this makes being a Navy wife that much easier. 

Thankful November 4

Today I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus and that he loves me enough to talk to me personally to show me the plans he has for me (and Levi).

Something huge was revealed to me today, but first I will tell you the back story. 

November is National Adoption Awareness Month and today is Orphan Sunday. The church Levi and I attend did a service specifically for Orphan Sunday. Needles to say I bawled the whole time. 

Now levi and I have talked about adoption before, but today, I just knew that we are supposed to.  It wont be tomorrow or even next year, but we will adopt someday. 

But then my mind went to the cost of an adoption and my heart sank. How would we ever be able to save enough to complete our family. But then a small voice said "photography". 

So from now on, all the money I make through my photography business BeautyBeingPhotography, will be placed in a special savings account so that someday, Levi and I will adopt a little one into our family the same way Jesus was adopted into the line of David by his earthly father Joseph.  

Please keep this in your prayers especially over the next year as we take the first steps towards this goal.  

Thankful November 3

Today I am thankful that we had our last Soccer game of the season! I loved our kids this season, and we only lost 1 game (but we don't keep score ;}). I am sad that we wont be here next year to coach soccer, I find it fun. 

Thankful November 2

Today I am thankful for my "more than bible study" group of ladies. 

Every Friday there is a group of 7-15 of us that get together eat some breakfast, drink some coffee, and talk about life. These women have been there to pray for me through some of the toughest times this past year.  They give me so much hope and inspiration.  

Thankful November 1

Today's thankful is a little silly, but I am thankful for modern medicine. This past weekend we babysat for two little guys both Saturday and Sunday. The 2 year old started to have a runny nose that quickly progressed from clear to green with a cough. Thanks to my mommy, and being a babysitter since I was 11 I knew how to help the little man. However, I have not been around sick kids in over a year and do not have my normal immunity that gets built up. Thus I am now sick. Scratchy throat, nasal drip and all. And this brings me back to I am thankful for all natural Vicks stuff, robitussin, and Motrin.

Blessings

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

This song has been popping up everywhere this week. 

Ok God I get it, you have plans. 

Your time not mine, your plans not mine.

Be Still

Have you ever been walking in a forest first thing in the morning while the fog is still lifting from the trails? 

If you haven't it is something that you need to experience at least once in your lifetime.

As I was walking one thing kept coming to mind. 

Be still and know that I am God. 

I will be exalted among the nations,

 I will be exalted in the earth. 

Psalms 46:10

Ok, so I was not just out for a stroll, I happened to be on the job. I had three teen age girls with me and I kept thinking, "How can I be still with three lively young ones?" And then it hit me, I can keep my mind still. My brain has been moving non stop since Monday. I needed to stay focused on the task at hand and not let my thoughts stray from one thing to another. So I did. 

I know that when you read this verse most start to contemplate our Father and what it means to be still in Him. But that was a little much for me today.

Instead I focused all my attention on Kaye, Maddy, and Ally. I did nothing but think of them. I did not think about how much IVF is.  I did not think about how much adoptions can cost. I did not think about how long it could be before I become a mom.

 No, I spent wonderful morning photographing three beautiful young women.

The Follow up.

Today we received devastating news. 

The specialist believes that the only way Levi and I will ever be able to conceive our own biological children is through In Vitro Fertilization.

I have done very little research into IVF but I do know that TriCare dose not cover it and in the United States, a cycle of in vitro fertilization costs approximately $10,000 to $15,000. Yes you read that right, per cycle, not "about how much before you get pregnant".

All of our test results came back within normal ranges. This lead the Dr. to believe that there is something that is keeping the sperm from fertilizing the egg. There is no test to see why this may be.

I really don't know what to think right now. I guess we will just pray for a miracle.

The Aisle of Uncertainty

My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? Psalms 6:3 NIV

"I'll never forget one visit to the drugstore when I first identified the irony found on a familiar aisle. To my left I saw rows of feminine hygiene products, and to my left, pregnancy test. I was outraged, yet I laughed.i wanted to talk to the store manager about product placement and marketing sensitivity, but I didn't. Instead, I stood in limbo, in the middle of two product extremes, for me representing life or death, pregnant or not, yes or no, hope or dread. Did the center of the aisle represent maybe? Maybe? Is it possible to live in limbo-in the same aisle, but between two completely different outcomes?"- Kathe Wunnenberg, Longing for a Child

Some women would never guess that there are others out there who dread going to get pads or tampons because it means that yet another month ( or in my case 103 days) has gone by and they are not there to get a stick that has a + on it that would make them happy beyond imagination.

I usually make Levi go and get things if I need them. I have gotten teary eyed (ok maybe sobbing is a better word) a few too many times in that aisle.

But what really sucks for me is the fact that I have such long cycles, and I test every 34 days "just to make sure" I don't want to do anything to put my baby in harms way. I can't even count on my hands how many negatives I have gotten now.

Sometimes I wonder what God is trying to teach me , what lesson haven't I learned yet, what are his plans for me, for us?

In the first weeks of October Levi and I will be going in for our follow up with the specialist. I am praying she will be able to give us hope, and let us know what our plan of action should be. With us more than likely moving in the begging part of next year, I know I won't be able to have this new doc for a whole pregnancy if I were to get pregnant and that makes me sad and apprehensive. It means I will have to start all over again with a new person who may not be as willing to listen to me like she is.

REALLY!

Can someone please explain to me how I can go from a 103 day cycle to a 15 day cycle!?! I do not understand my body.

First week of Sep

The last week has been long, but fun! When ever I am on my period I never feel like doing anything, but this last week, I promised a friend that I would drive her child to school until  his bus is set up. He is deaf and his school is about 35-45 minutes away depending on traffic. I have had a fun time finding music with deep bass to play while driving him, he puts his hand on the speaker and seems to enjoy in. 

At first I was bummed that I had to be up while the clock said 6, but I have found out that I get a better nights sleep. The day seems much longer, but I get more done. 

I, however, did not get as many work outs in as I wanted, but I still lost a pound.

On Thursday, I did a gender reveal photoshoot that was a blast! 

http://www.facebook.com/BeautyBeingPhotography

On Friday, I had my HSG. My tubes are all clear and my uterus is slightly slanted but almost all women have some type of slant. We have to go in an talk about all the test results and what not to see what our next step is.

Then there was Saturday. We had our first soccer game of the season and our kids won! These kids were on fire! 

And on Sunday we woke up and I needed to put a light sweater on to take Titus out. I was soooo excited and I'm praying that we will not go back to the 90's for the rest of this year! 

I hope everyone has an amazing week!!!

Finally!

After 103 days, aunt flow has come for a visit, and she does not seem happy to be here. I have been down for the count for most of today, which makes it hard for me to keep to my work out plan.

Along with that good news, I also lost 4 pounds last week and my partner lost 9, which means we lost 2.78% of our total weight. 

and this is what I look like when aunty is kicking my butt